Soumya...

Soumya, my sister-in-law gave up her struggle and battle with ALS, yesterday. She was 34 and died few weeks after celebrating her 14th wedding anniversary.

I met Soumya last in 2006, and baffled her with my non-stop chatter. She asked me if I talked so much to curb loneliness, or it was just my nature; she always spoke her mind. I have known her more through my cousin who gave his heart to her, 15 years ago. As a family we mourn her death, miss her presence immensely, but are also glad for her, because a life with ALS was just a race against time.

Being diagnosed shortly after celebrating her child’s first birthday, ALS was a spell that cast itself on her joys of motherhood. Soumya’s dream of watching Advay grow, and protecting him, and being his shadow during his growing years, was cut short by ALS. The only option left for Soumya was to brave through the changes in her body. And that she did damn well! She let ALS walk away with her physical strength, but did not let it touch her inner strength. She was the stronger one in her battle with ALS and fought till her last breath.

As a woman, I cannot imagine Soumya’s pain as a wife, as a daughter, and more importantly as a mother, who could not pamper or cuddle her only child. My aunt, her mother-in-law nursed her till her death and my cousin transitioned into the role of a single dad for their child. It is not easy witnessing a slow painful death. Being bathed, being cleaned up by someone else, and being fed slowly because eating fast can choke you, may be part of living with ALS, but for a woman, it is re-defining dignity.

After her death, many shed tears, some grieved more than others. My cousin and Soumya often lamented, about folks who did not stand by them during their struggle. They appreciated those who did, but it made me wonder, about the society we live in. Everyone has their own struggles but easing someone’s pain is not the same as taking over their pain. No one is perfect, and it is unfortunate if, our differences define our relationships. Pain, suffering, friends, family are god given, so can we then, respect, and trust god’s decision of being placed in someone's life, and be there for them? People, who know their journey is short, do not need a lot. All they need is someone to ease their mental pain, maybe just a shoulder to rest, when they are about to give up. Soumya needed all of us, she got only some of us, and the few will cherish their time with her.

We lost Soumya to ALS, her four year old child lost his mother, and my cousin lost the love of his life, and in her death we are reminded of, one of life's lessons - to just be there for someone in pain.